Maybe the raccoons are HAUNTED yeah, uh, maybe

You're taking this story off in its own direction! How daring! Basically, you're just asking for trouble here, turning cute little friendly creatures like raccoons into monsters. What kind of person are you that would do that? You don't even deserve that slurpee! Do you even like slurpees!?

Well?

• Yes, like all good people, I love slurpees.
• No, I abhor life and good things and therefore am anti-slurpee.